


Crimson Sunrise

by Ardania22



Category: Senki Zesshou Symphogear
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Kanade Death Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:15:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29158011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ardania22/pseuds/Ardania22
Summary: Tsubasa and Maria are in love. But Tsubasa still can't forget the love she lost so long ago.
Relationships: Maria Cadenzavna Eve/Kazanari Tsubasa
Comments: 8
Kudos: 29





	Crimson Sunrise

**Author's Note:**

> What's this? Me writing a Symphogear fic that's NOT Hibimiku? I'm just as surprised as you are believe me. But I realized we never got any canon content of Maria helping Tsubasa process her grief over losing Kanade, and that seemed like a fun void to fill. I hope you enjoy it as much as my previous works!
> 
> (And yes, this is still in the same continuity of my other works. You're welcome!)

Tsubasa had never been overly fond of the beach. As long as she could remember, her life had been defined by order and neatness. She had to keep up appearances, live up to expectations, stand as solid and unflinching as a marble statue. But the beach was a place where one couldn’t help but get messy. A visit to the ocean’s shore meant sand getting everywhere and saltwater crusting over in thick clumps as it dried. Not exactly a place for a sentinel like her.

And yet, here she was on the deck of a beach house overlooking the shore, sipping a glass of orange juice as she pondered the merits of bursting into tears.

It was Maria’s idea, of course. Things had been so busy lately for both of them, what with the marriage plans getting finalized and their idol careers taking off and their continued work with SONG to help the world recover after their final battle with Shem-Ha. Just the other day, Tsubasa had fallen asleep standing up while trying to make breakfast. Only the smoke alarm snapped her awake in time to prevent the apartment from going up on flames. As much as she hated to admit it, she was exhausted. And had Maria not insisted they take a vacation to destress, she’d likely have kept pushing until she dropped dead right on the spot.

A smile crept across their lips as she remembered their fight. She’d tried so hard to tell Maria it was no big deal, but her fiancé wasn’t having it. “Even the strongest swords break with constant use,” she’d said. “And trust me, you are _not_ the strongest sword.” She was right, of course, but something about casually turning Tsubasa’s metaphor against her in the midst of a heated argument made the whole situation seem comical.

_Still, a beach of all places…_ Tsubasa drank a gulp or orange juice. She really was more exhausted than she realized, if being here was this unsettling. So much for being able to relax.

Under most circumstances, she wouldn’t be bothered this much. A beach, after all, was just a beach. But today was different. Today was a very particular day.

“Enjoying the sunrise?”

Tsubasa glanced behind her. Maria was walking out onto the deck in thin white gown, her hair loose and flowing. Tsubasa felt her heart skip a beat. _Dammit. It’s too early in the morning for you to be this attractive._

“It’s alright,” she said, looking back out at the sea. That was a lie; the hazy pink light creeping over the horizon was beautiful. Almost as beautiful as the woman walking up beside her, though Tsubasa suspected she would die of embarrassment if she ever said so aloud.

“Alright? I swear, you are harder to please than anyone I know.”

“Come on, surely you know _someone_ else as stubborn as me.”

“Mmmm.” Maria leaned on the railing. “Nope. Pretty sure you’re number one.”

“Oh? So I’m your number one?”

Maria stared at her for a moment. Then, she smiled. “Alright, that was smooth.”

“I have my moments.”

Chuckling, Maria turned to look out at the sunrise. “I love the mornings here,” she said. “Back when FIS was disbanded, this became my hideaway. Whenever I was overwhelmed, or I wanted to just hide away from people… I’d come here. I’d wake up early and watch the sunrise, and I’d think, ‘right now, nothing else matters. Right now, I am all that exists, and this sunrise belongs to me.’”

She looked back at Tsubasa. “And then, the world didn’t feel quite so massive anymore. So whatever I was struggling with, I knew I could take care of it.”

“It… helped that much?”

“Well, only in my head. But sometimes, that’s the most important place to help out, you know?”

A pause. Tsubasa looked at the sea again. So Maria had brought her here in hopes the sunrise would work its magic on her as well. That it would give her the strength to face her battles with a full heart. It was such a sweet gesture, undertaken with the best intentions. She had no way of knowing that being here would leave Tsubasa feeling so fragile.

She wet her lips. Staring out over the vast horizon, the world only seemed to grow larger. An endless expanse of sand and sea she could spend the rest of her life wandering and never find her way out.

“Tsubasa?” Maria shifted a little closer to her. “If there’s anything on your mind-“

“It’s her birthday today.”

The words left Tsubasa before she could stop them. Her tongue suddenly tasted like ash in her mouth. The orange juice in her stomach burned like acid. _Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid._

Maria gazed at her. “I see.”

Silence. Tsubasa exhaled. Ever since she and Maria had started dating, they’d worked to be more open with each other. After all the trauma they’d gone through, being honest with their feelings didn’t always come easily. But they’d gotten better at it one step at a time. Certainly, after watching Hibiki save the world by accepting her love for Miku, they had one hell of an inspiration to live up to.

And yet, this was one subject that remained in darkness. Whenever it came up, Tsubasa would shut down, and Maria wouldn’t press further. Neither of them had the courage to grapple with it, or the feelings it was sure to unearth. They knew it was something they had to talk about. They just… couldn’t.

Perhaps it was time to try.

“We…” Tsubasa tapped her fingers on the rail. “We went to the beach once. For her seventeenth birthday.”

“Was that…”

Maria’s voice trailed off, unable to ask the question. But Tsubasa answered her anyway: “It was.” _Her last birthday ever. Not that we knew it then._

“I didn’t like the beach then,” Tsubasa forced herself to continue. _I still don’t_. “But she did. She loved running around in the sand and getting smacked by the waves. So I decided to go with her when she asked me. I thought, as long as it was her, I could put up with it.”

“So, did you? Put up with it?”

Tsubasa closed her eyes. “It… was the first time I ever had fun at the beach.”

A laugh escaped Maria’s throat. “Really?”

“Really.” Tsubasa held onto the railing and leaned back. “I remember, she challenged me to a sandcastle building contest. I got so into it, I started building parapets and a drawbridge.

“A sand drawbridge?”

“Don’t ask. I was even thinking of designing an entire aqueduct system just to prove I could. But then… the tide came in and washed it all away.”

Maria burst into laughter. “Oh god, I’m so sorry!”

“I’m sure you are.” Tsubasa felt her face burning. “Of course, she built hers further up and the tide didn’t reach it, so she won by default. Even though she was using a _bucket_. What self-respecting sandcastle craftsman uses a bucket and not their own two hands?”

Maria’s laughs grew, if anything, even louder. Tsubasa wished for the earth to swallow her up. “Anyway,” she mumbled, “she teased me about it all next day. Said she loved how seriously I took it. I didn’t talk to her for a whole week.”

“I bet Genjurou wasn’t happy about that.”

“Well, he was nice about it.” Tsubasa rested her head against the rail. “God, I was such a brat back then.”

“You still-“

“If you finish that sentence, I _will_ divorce you before we’re even married.”

“Oh no!” Maria clapped her hands over her mouth. “Please forgive me!”

Tsubasa giggled. “Alright, alright.”

She downed the rest of her orange juice. It was a curious feeling, talking about all this. She thought it would be harder to get the words out. But once they started coming, she didn’t want them to stop. It almost felt like desperation. Like she needed to get everything off her chest before fear closed over her heart again. In truth, the feeling scared the hell out of her.

“Anyway,” she went on. “I couldn’t believe how much fun I was having. She was so shocked when I told her I usually didn’t like the beach, you wouldn’t know it from how I was acting that day. And she-“

The words caught in her throat. Her heart suddenly felt like ice. “She…”

A hand closed over hers. A warm hand. A hand so warm it made Tsubasa shiver as if it was cold. She kept her gaze fixed on the horizon; if she met Maria’s eyes now, she doubted she’d be able to keep herself from falling apart.

“She told me…” Tsubasa drew a shaky breath. “’Let’s go next year too, then,’ she said. ‘So you can keep having fun at the beach.’”

Silence. Whatever courage had opened Tsubasa’s mouth had vanished. She stared into the sunrise as the soft pinks began to burn brighter. The memories were still so vivid in her mind. The warmth of the sun, the coarse sand, the shock of the cold tide lapping around her shins, diving through the deeper waves and feeling the current wash over her. And in every memory, in every single moment, there was that face. That laughing, smiling, grinning, confident, wonderful face that she would never see again.

“Have you… gone to the beach at all since then? Besides that mission when we were fighting Carol?”

Maria’s hand felt heavy on hers. “No.”

“I’m sorry.” Maria’s voice sounded shaky. “I didn’t realize… if I’d known-“

“Don’t blame yourself.”

“Tsubasa-“

“How could you have known? I never told you. It’s not your fault.”

“Tsubasa.”

The ache in Maria’s voice finally forced Tsubasa to look at her. Her eyes were damp with unshed tears. “I’m sorry,” she said again.

Tsubasa swallowed. Something hot was burning at the back of her skull. _Why are you apologizing? I’m the one who…_

“Here.” Suddenly, Maria was pulling her into a hug. “I’m here. I’m right here.”

It was like she’d been punched in the gut. Tsubasa’s vision blurred. Her legs almost gave out under her. Unconsciously, she reached out and returned Maria’s embrace. “I wish I could see her again,” she whispered.

“Oh, Tsubasa…”

Tsubasa buried her face in Maria’s shoulder. Her chest heaved with quiet sobs. Everything was hot, hot and suffocating and black. The past few years might as well have never happened; she was fifteen all over again, holding the girl she loved in her arms and feeling her body crumble away into dust.

Except this body wasn’t crumbling. This body was solid and strong, and it embraced her with a tenderness that refused to fade away.

“It’s not fair,” she choked out. “Even though I have you, even though I’m happy with you… why can’t I let her go?”

“Because you loved her.”

“I love _you_.”

“I know.” Maria’s hands traced patterns across her back. “I know.”

Tsubasa closed her eyes and felt the tears trickling down her cheeks. “You deserve all of me. But… she’s always there too. No matter how hard I try.”

“I think that’s alright.”

Tsubasa’s breath caught in her throat. “Huh?”

Maria pulled back to look Tsubasa in the eyes. “She made you happy,” she said. “She mattered to you. Why should you have to let that go?”

“But…”

“Tsubasa.” Maria traced a finger down her cheek. “I love you. And I trust you. Even if part of you is with her, I know you’re still here with me. So you take all the time you need to figure out what you want to do with her.” She smiled. “I’m not the type to get jealous.”

Tsubasa blinked away the last of her tears. Maria’s words almost didn’t seem real. Like at any moment she would wake up from this dream and forget she ever heard them. But the dawn’s rays lit her face in a faint halo, almost like she was an angel. Staring at it, Tsubasa felt her nerves begin to thaw. Warmth crept into her, not all at once, but softly and quietly, like a lover tiptoeing in after dark and closing the door behind her so as to not wake you up.

“Right.” Maria suddenly stepped away. “I think this calls for a toast.”

“A… what?”

“It’s a birthday, isn’t it? We should celebrate.” She paused. “If you want to?”

Tsubasa stared at her. “I… I’d like that.” She felt the warmth spread to her chest. “I’d really like that.”

“Alright, then.” Maria turned and headed back to the house. “Give me two minutes!” she called over her shoulder. “I’ll be right back!”

Tsubasa watched her go. It was curious. She doubted she’d ever really love the beach. But watching Maria in that thin summer dress, she was seized with a desire to sweep her off her feet and roll with her across the shore, laughing as they were caressed by the shifting tide. She wanted to feel the sand crust over them, coarse and rough and irritating, as they became one in a tangle of limbs and sweat under the hot July sun. She wanted to make memories just as beautiful as the ones she made all those years ago, to fulfill the promise she made with someone entirely new.

Without her realizing, a smile crept across her face.

Maybe this vacation would be alright after all.

* * *

True to her word, Maria soon returned with three glasses of champagne in tow. She set the third one on the railing. “Did she drink?” she asked?

“She was too young.”

“Hm.” Maria looked at the third glass. “Well, whatever. It’s her birthday, she’s going to drink.”

Tsubasa smiled. “I wonder what you’d think of her,” she murmured. “She was so wild, you might not have gotten along.”

“Oh, I know I would’ve liked her.”

“Why?”

“She loved you, right?” Maria flashed a smile. “That’s all the proof I need.”

Tsubasa blushed. “Flirt.”

“Just being honest.” Maria leaned over and kissed her. Tsubasa closed her eyes and accepted it. It only lasted a couple seconds, but the warmth of her lips felt like it would linger forever.

When she opened her eyes, Maria was raising her glass. “Shall we?” she said.

Tsubasa looked out over the sea. “Let’s.”

She raised her own glass. The sunrise was almost over, and the bright blue day sky was shimmering into existence. The last of the sunrise’s glare had grown from pink to red, a fiery corona of light spilling out over the horizon. Almost like a crown of brilliant, tangled red hair spilling over a bright, beaming face.

It really was a beautiful sight.

_Happy birthday, Kanade._

**Author's Note:**

> Now all I have to do is write a KiriShira fic and the trifecta will be complete. Leave a kudos if you liked it, and let me know your thoughts in the comments below. Thank you so much!


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